4 Reasons Why Winter in NYC is the Season from Hell

Twice a year, every year, New Yorkers are forced to ask themselves the same question: “Why the hell do I live here?” I mean there are really only two seasons in NYC: summer and winter, and they’re both completely unbearable for most of their obnoxious stay.

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 I mean it feels like just yesterday I was sunbathing in Central Park, feeling guilty for staying inside half the time. Now that it’s getting colder, I feel myself slowly slipping into my hibernation stage of denial, realizing that it could be snowing during our Spring Break – 4 MONTHS from now. The worst has yet to come and I’ll never be ready.

Reality

So what do we have to look forward to? Pretty much nothing and here’s why…

  1. It’s essentially impossible to look cute

Picking out a cute sweater and boots used to be a fashion statement, but when it gets down to below freezing temps, choosing the right clothing becomes a life-or-death survival strategy.

Reality part 22. Public transportation is a bust

In the winter months, the overall commuter mood takes a turn for the worst. Everything is effing frozen, so the trains get delayed. When trains take longer, hordes of angry people accumulate. If it wasn’t bad enough that you even had to get out of bed to wad your way through the Arctic Tundra, now you have to squeeze your way onto a packed train of miserable, putrid smelling humans.

3. Icy sidewalk sludge puddles from hell

Negative wind chills and navigating ice and snow carry their own unique form of misery. Negotiating the massive street corner slush lakes has become a New York winter staple. But I didn’t choose this life, I didn’t choose for my daily commutes to turn into Arctic expeditions. I lived in New York my whole life and will never get used to this shit.

4. It NEVER ends

The days are getting longer and my patience is wearing thin. It is during these times, when we endure months of winter knowing we still have months left to go, that even the strongest souls can be broken. But there’s always that one friend that says how much they love winter and I just sit there thinking how one person could enjoy feeling numb from below freezing wind chills and falling knee-deep in street corner slush puddles. But I have a message for those people…

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All I have to say is – GOD SPEED. Oh, and don’t forget to tip your Seamless delivery bike riders A.K.A. the superheroes who bravely endure the hell trek to our studio “hibernation cave” apartments all to fill our bellies with the necessary carbs and comfort to distract us from the outside world. You the real MVP.

See you on the the flip side.

Xo, Broke & Bothered

 

5 Types of Subway Riders We All Love to Hate

If you work, go to school or just straight up live in NYC, the subway isn’t just your typical transportation system, it’s a way of life.

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The MTA and I have a sort of love-hate relationship. We need one another, but I can certainly do without its obnoxious and inconsiderate riders. Yeah it’s cheap (depending on how many times a day you take the damn thing), but I could certainly do without the horrible, rat-infested deathtrap of homeless feces and trash that lingers below the busy streets.

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Once you step foot into the city’s underworld only one thing is certain; nothing will prepare you for some of the ratchet people you will come into contact with on your innocent ride home from work. Examples are as follows…ENJOY.

  1. The Pole Hoggers

Butt1Feels nice and relaxing to lean on that pole and have it all to yourself, eh? Well, just as you shouldn’t take up more than one seat on a crowded subway, you shouldn’t take up more than one hand placement on a subway pole. Isn’t this common sense?! Well, if I learned anything throughout my 20-something years in existence, it’s that common sense IS NOT very common. Share the effing pole people!

2. The Last Minute Squeezers

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There’s honestly nothing worse then waiting at the train station for an extra 5 minutes because people keep piling in when the doors are closing on them. Better yet, it’s your 9am commute, AKA Worst Time of Your Life, and when you think you couldn’t be more on top of the person next to you, surprise surprise, the last minute squeezers hold the doors open enough to push there way through, leaving you to lean on other people to balance yourself cause lord knows you won’t ever reach a pole.

3. The Backpacker

campingI can’t tell you how many times I’ve been on the subway and some prick has a backpack full of god knows what that sticks out a good 3 feet behind them and they’ll unknowingly swing it around and hit people with it. I always wondered where I got random bruises from…put that sh*t on the floor will you?! And no, don’t put it in the seat next to you. K thanks.

4. The One That Won’t Move to the Middle of the Train

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If you walk into a subway car with 10 or so people waiting behind you and you stand by the door instead of moving towards the middle of the car, YOU are the bane of my existence.

How to not suck: unless you are the last person to get onto the train at that stop, move to the middle of the train so people don’t need to maneuver around your dumb a$$.

5. The Impatient A-holes

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These creatures are beyond the worst. Something that seems so obvious goes right over all of these peoples heads. When a train pulls up to the station, LET PEOPLE EXIT BEFORE YOU START ENTERING THE SUBWAY. Is it that difficult? Holy hell.

And my final thoughts on this topic:

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Read this to see what your subway style says about you.

And if you’re feeling frisky, join Improv Everywhere for the No Pants Subway Ride 2016 this January 10th in NYC…#holler

Xo, Broke & Bothered