Why Some Manhattanites Never Venture Out to Brooklyn

Let’s be honest, most Manhattanites (especially recent inhabitants) don’t go to Brooklyn unless they want to see the view from DUMBO, walk the Brooklyn Bridge, or go to Smorgasburg for some ramen burgers & truffle fries. It’s like a whole new world to them.

Some Manhattanites think that the only reason people live in Brooklyn is because they cant afford Manhattan, and although that might have a slight ring of truth, it doesn’t make the commute to Manhattan for Sunday Brunch any more riveting. That being said, depending on where you’re headed in Brooklyn, the commute could be a total b*tch to deal with.

And it’s probably best not to pre-game before going out there because more often then not your buzz will be gone before you get there, undoubtedly. So that means its time to stock up on those to-go flasks because this is obviously a state of emergency.

Walking between neighborhoods in Manhattan is totally doable, with the right shoes and maybe a mild sprain of an ankle. Walking between neighborhoods in Brooklyn is known as “calling a car service” or getting on a subway line that crawls at a snail’s pace between stops.

You thought you hated Brooklyn because it seduced everybody with its oh so charming ways, I know. But now the same forces that ruined Manhattan for young creative people—the greedy developers & overpriced rent—are coming to destroy Brooklyn too! It’s just a matter of time. #BROKElyn

Until next time.

Xo, Broke & Bothered

4 Reasons Why Winter in NYC is the Season from Hell

Twice a year, every year, New Yorkers are forced to ask themselves the same question: “Why the hell do I live here?” I mean there are really only two seasons in NYC: summer and winter, and they’re both completely unbearable for most of their obnoxious stay.

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 I mean it feels like just yesterday I was sunbathing in Central Park, feeling guilty for staying inside half the time. Now that it’s getting colder, I feel myself slowly slipping into my hibernation stage of denial, realizing that it could be snowing during our Spring Break – 4 MONTHS from now. The worst has yet to come and I’ll never be ready.

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So what do we have to look forward to? Pretty much nothing and here’s why…

  1. It’s essentially impossible to look cute

Picking out a cute sweater and boots used to be a fashion statement, but when it gets down to below freezing temps, choosing the right clothing becomes a life-or-death survival strategy.

Reality part 22. Public transportation is a bust

In the winter months, the overall commuter mood takes a turn for the worst. Everything is effing frozen, so the trains get delayed. When trains take longer, hordes of angry people accumulate. If it wasn’t bad enough that you even had to get out of bed to wad your way through the Arctic Tundra, now you have to squeeze your way onto a packed train of miserable, putrid smelling humans.

3. Icy sidewalk sludge puddles from hell

Negative wind chills and navigating ice and snow carry their own unique form of misery. Negotiating the massive street corner slush lakes has become a New York winter staple. But I didn’t choose this life, I didn’t choose for my daily commutes to turn into Arctic expeditions. I lived in New York my whole life and will never get used to this shit.

4. It NEVER ends

The days are getting longer and my patience is wearing thin. It is during these times, when we endure months of winter knowing we still have months left to go, that even the strongest souls can be broken. But there’s always that one friend that says how much they love winter and I just sit there thinking how one person could enjoy feeling numb from below freezing wind chills and falling knee-deep in street corner slush puddles. But I have a message for those people…

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All I have to say is – GOD SPEED. Oh, and don’t forget to tip your Seamless delivery bike riders A.K.A. the superheroes who bravely endure the hell trek to our studio “hibernation cave” apartments all to fill our bellies with the necessary carbs and comfort to distract us from the outside world. You the real MVP.

See you on the the flip side.

Xo, Broke & Bothered

 

5 Types of Subway Riders We All Love to Hate

If you work, go to school or just straight up live in NYC, the subway isn’t just your typical transportation system, it’s a way of life.

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The MTA and I have a sort of love-hate relationship. We need one another, but I can certainly do without its obnoxious and inconsiderate riders. Yeah it’s cheap (depending on how many times a day you take the damn thing), but I could certainly do without the horrible, rat-infested deathtrap of homeless feces and trash that lingers below the busy streets.

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Once you step foot into the city’s underworld only one thing is certain; nothing will prepare you for some of the ratchet people you will come into contact with on your innocent ride home from work. Examples are as follows…ENJOY.

  1. The Pole Hoggers

Butt1Feels nice and relaxing to lean on that pole and have it all to yourself, eh? Well, just as you shouldn’t take up more than one seat on a crowded subway, you shouldn’t take up more than one hand placement on a subway pole. Isn’t this common sense?! Well, if I learned anything throughout my 20-something years in existence, it’s that common sense IS NOT very common. Share the effing pole people!

2. The Last Minute Squeezers

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There’s honestly nothing worse then waiting at the train station for an extra 5 minutes because people keep piling in when the doors are closing on them. Better yet, it’s your 9am commute, AKA Worst Time of Your Life, and when you think you couldn’t be more on top of the person next to you, surprise surprise, the last minute squeezers hold the doors open enough to push there way through, leaving you to lean on other people to balance yourself cause lord knows you won’t ever reach a pole.

3. The Backpacker

campingI can’t tell you how many times I’ve been on the subway and some prick has a backpack full of god knows what that sticks out a good 3 feet behind them and they’ll unknowingly swing it around and hit people with it. I always wondered where I got random bruises from…put that sh*t on the floor will you?! And no, don’t put it in the seat next to you. K thanks.

4. The One That Won’t Move to the Middle of the Train

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If you walk into a subway car with 10 or so people waiting behind you and you stand by the door instead of moving towards the middle of the car, YOU are the bane of my existence.

How to not suck: unless you are the last person to get onto the train at that stop, move to the middle of the train so people don’t need to maneuver around your dumb a$$.

5. The Impatient A-holes

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These creatures are beyond the worst. Something that seems so obvious goes right over all of these peoples heads. When a train pulls up to the station, LET PEOPLE EXIT BEFORE YOU START ENTERING THE SUBWAY. Is it that difficult? Holy hell.

And my final thoughts on this topic:

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Read this to see what your subway style says about you.

And if you’re feeling frisky, join Improv Everywhere for the No Pants Subway Ride 2016 this January 10th in NYC…#holler

Xo, Broke & Bothered

Top 3 Reasons We Love to Hate NYC

New York City: the land of bright lights, big dreams and beautiful views (for the most part). Yes, as much as we enjoy your convenience, dollar slices, and dope nightlife, we’re kind of done being pushed around by you. You’re constantly reminding us that our good isn’t good enough and our best is B-A-S-I-C. But I’ve got news for you; you’re not as hot as you think you are. Well, now I need to take a step back. Because in all actuality, many of the reasons I love New York are the same reasons why other people might hate it. But hey, I’m a native so it’s time to start acting like one. You can’t just call yourself a New Yorker and then talk sh*t about it right? So for now I will zip the lip and let you decide if the following 3 things make you hate to love or love to hate the concrete jungle we call home.

1. The subway

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I’m not sure what’s worse, the actual subway or it’s riders. I could certainly do without the vast clouds of B.O. during rush-hour jams, the sick passengers breathing down my neck, the track work delays, the subway cars with no A/C, the slimy subway poles, the passengers that whack me with their backpacks full of bricks, and the occasional whiff of week old piss and dirty humans.

With that being said, there are still parts of me that love the subway. Until I’m rich enough to afford my own chauffer to schlep me all over god’s creation, the subway is the most valuable $2.75 investment at this point in my life.

2. NYC Tourists

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Ok so if you live in New York and haven’t complained about something a tourist has done at least once, you must be one patient mo fo and I would love for you to show me your ways. Until then I’m going to continue on with my rant.

New Yorkers tend to beat to the same drum, a very very fast drum to be exact. Even if we aren’t in a rush we act like we are because we want to get to where we want to go while avoiding as many people as possible. But tourists on the other hand, beat to their own very obnoxious and irritating drum in that they could care less how it sounds or affects other people. There’s a reason why New Yorkers avoid places like Times Square at all costs unless some life-changing necessity requires us to go there kicking and screaming. It’s like trying to push your way through a heard of grazing cattle.

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For example, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a rush and all of the sudden a group of people stop short right in front of me and I barrel into them from behind. Lo and behold, they are tourists picking up that damn camera around their neck to take some irrelevant picture that’s probably out of focus. But by all means, stop in the middle of the sidewalk and leave no room for the crowds of people to get around you so you can capture that perfect picture of those NYC trashcans in the distance.

3. The Prices

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Even for someone like me, who is a super saver when it comes to money, it’s far too easy to fall victim to overspending in the city. Whether it’s the bartender telling you the bar has a $30 minimum on credit cards or demolishing your checking account even further with overpriced taxi rides, it’s something you get used to quite quickly. You’ll have out-of-towners come visit that are used to $2 shots and laundry prices being included in their rent. NEWS FLASH: living the dream comes with a price, which usually means a high level of anxiety and a tapped out bank account. Cheers!

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Ok, so obviously the expensive part is sort of a drag, but some of the expensive places are worth saving up for, especially when it comes to food. Just think, the extra $10 you’re spending on that burger & fries may result in an Instagram worthy picture with 100+ likes – GO YOU.

Overall, the funny part about NYC is how incredible yet absolutely horrible it can be at the same time. It’s like a cat that is nice to you one minute and will scratch the sh*t out of you the next. This city can eat you up and spit you out if you let it, but it will push you to bounds you never expected to reach. Loving New York is a cliché, but it’s a cliché for a reason.

Welcome to the life of the Broke & Bothered, Xo.

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